Quem deus vult perdere, dementat prius

I was wrong. You were never my insanity, instead you gave my madness purpose. On the longest night of the year, Earth's shadows fall across the full moon and eclipse me. And only one wolf to howl.

Tale as old as time

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

Watch Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" sometime with kids and when it gets to the end, watch the building excitement as the Beast fights Gaston. Then watch their faces fall as the last petal falls off of the rose. Then watch the Beast transform into the prince and the happy ending -- quick, look at the kids. They are frowning.


Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Why do the kids frown? The same reason you do. The very reason that the end of Disney's masterpiece ultimately fails -- You don't want to see Belle dancing with the prince, you want to see her dancing with the Beast.

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

No matter how handsome he is, Belle didn't fall in love with the prince, she fell in love with the Beast and so did you.

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Bitter sweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong

No matter how you package it, the Beast is not the prince. All of his experiences, the ones that made him worthy of love were made as a monster, a monster that loved enough to change. But what did he change? At the end, he was a monster. He killed Gaston. He clawed. He roared. He was the Beast.

Certain as the sun
Rising in the East
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

The prince became the Beast to learn what? Not humility. Not peace. Not even kindness. He must love and be loved. And while he already loved (and was loved) by his subjects, it was the love of Belle that ended his "curse."

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast

But is it a curse to learn what you are and to be loved for it? You frown at the end because the prince is a stranger and because we do not love perfections, we love flaws. So often we try and change what we love into something else and in the process we lose what we loved in the first place.

This is all apropos of nothing -- just remembering that I was the beast long before I was the prince.

"You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time;" - Charles Bukowski

"I used to be a superhero,
no one could touch me,
not even myself"

"How is saving the world coming?" they ask, and they smile. I pretend a smile, the one that doesn't touch my eyes at all. The one JP calls the too-tight-smile-that-never-touches-your-eyes-and-the-eyes-go-from-storm-cloud-gray-to-steel-in-a-heartbeat. I never know what to say when they ask that question. People say it with humor and half-seriousness. Sometimes it's a question that states: "Stop what you are doing and think about joining the human race."

And I do -- for the moment.

"Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!" the crowd would yell, black-and white faces with a sotto-voce whoosh underneath. But, when George Reeves lands in his monochrome superman-suit, he's not a member of the human race. He's standing in front of the globe or a flag or the cosmos. Superman never comes down to Earth -- why would he? There is only peace in the lonely sky.

"How is saving the world coming?" I've been asked it a hundred times and never once answered: "Painfully, thank you." or "Saved another one and then in the last panel I winked and we never saw that character again. Only the spectator's got closure."

I wish I had a fortress of solitude, like Superman or Doc Savage. A little hide-away at the top of the world where you can scream in silence and no-one can hear you except that stupid dog.

Lois Lane and Lana Lang will happily tell you they don't need your fucking help as they plummet to the side-walk and for a split second you think to yourself: "What would happen if I didn't save the day?" Then, faster than a speeding bullet, you're there and they frown and you wonder why you bothered. Everything was fine when Lori Lemaris was in that fucking wheelchair and then it turns out she's a mermaid and you wonder if your life will ever be normal.

At the end of the day, after your fought a giant gorilla with kryptonite eyes, and you're tired as hell, someone says "How is saving the world coming?" and their eyes are tight and the smile doesn't quite reach those eyes and you know that's not the question they want to ask anyway. Then, somewhere deep inside you, you just want to yell "Peachy, thanks for asking!" and punch down half of a mountain because even Jimmy Olsen doesn't know why you do it. No one does, because even if you don't put on spandex, you have to be a little bit mad to do it over and over again.

"How is saving the world coming?" they ask.

"It hurts like hell," you answer and then the signal watch goes off and you take to the sky -- the lonely sky, because it's peaceful up there.

Happy is the new black

Yesterday started off and ended badly. It was a rough day. My Tao was blown. Today is much better. We learn from communication. We learn from talking. But more important, we learn from listening.

2009 was a year of change. All the people that came and went in my life were there for a reason -- to remove NEED so I could live with and love myself.

It's all about the Strawberry Ice-Cream. It's about giving and loving unconditionally. Not to get preachy or churchy (you have to find your own bliss), but here is an experiment:

This is Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

We know it, we've all heard it. Now, take out "Love" and insert your name.

Brian is patient, Brian is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. Brian does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Brian never fails.

That's the template. That's the goal. That's what we should be, even when we aren't.

It's what Pooh would do.

Peace.