In 1974 my Papaw died. In 1982 my Mawmaw died. In 1985 I was married and spent almost 10 years with a cheating drug addict. In 1995 I lost my marriage, my job, and everything I had and slept in a car. In 1998 my ex-wife took my kids, I lost the woman I thought loved me, and my job. In 2006 I lost my second wife. This year I lost my job and my daughter went to jail. Money is tight, I might lose my house if things don't change. This year I took a chance and failed.
This is what the fire looks like. It burns.
There is one thing worse than killing me and that's hurting me. I have been hit by bare-knuckle boxers, stabbed, and shot at. Nothing crafted by man can hurt me unless I let it.
I am strong. I am very strong. Despite what you may have heard, I'm a good man and a damn strong one, sometimes though, you get lost in the process. I got lost.
I am sex covered in chocolate and will whisper things that will make your spine melt and my kiss will burn your soul. I can breath a word in a woman's ear and make her beg. I can look any man in the eye and he will step aside.
This is what the fire looks like. You can hurt me. You can take everything I have and I will spread these phoenixian wings and the tips will burn the corridors of the universe and make ash of your world.
I am eternal, invincible, unstoppable, and inevitable.
This is my world.
Burn with me.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Did you know I can tell the future?
I saw it coming and I told you how it would go.
I prophesied the choreography from entry to exit.
I never gave you less than what you asked for.
Showing you the exit, I even showed you the list of names at the door.
I gave you a cross to nail your sins to and the nails and the hammer.
This ain't my first rodeo, and I'm sure it wasn't yours.
How many times will you do this?
Who will get the blame the next time?
I never lied to you.
Did you lie to yourself?
Did you ever watch a thief leave the scene of a crime?
They sneak out slowly, pretending they'll be back.
Then they protest the loudest when they get caught.
You didn't steal anything I didn't offer.
And while you offered, you never gave.
It wasn't mine to have, was it?
Just a game you play.
Did you know I can tell the future?
I told you what was coming and I told you how it would go.
I prophesied the choreography from entry to exit.
I never gave you less than what you asked for.
Showing you the exit, I even showed you the list of names at the door.
I gave you a cross to nail your sins to and the nails and the hammer.
This ain't my first rodeo, and I'm sure it wasn't yours.
How many times will you do this?
Who will get the blame the next time?
I never lied to you.
Did you lie to yourself?
Did you ever watch a thief leave the scene of a crime?
They sneak out slowly, pretending they'll be back.
Then they protest the loudest when they get caught.
You didn't steal anything I didn't offer.
And while you offered, you never gave.
It wasn't mine to have, was it?
Just a game you play.
Did you know I can tell the future?
I told you what was coming and I told you how it would go.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
“To learn and never be filled, is wisdom; to teach and never be weary, is love.”
I have, in my life, had many teachers. My Papaw, my Dad, my Mom, even my Grandson. Wisdom came dropping from them like rain from the sky. There are times to learn and times to teach, times to gain wisdom and times to share it. If one does it well, it is a never ending cycle.
My Papaw taught me what it was to be a man. It is a lesson that I am still learning. There are time when I am selfish and petty, or worrisome and small, when he would not have been. If you know me at all, you know that every day I spend trying to live up to that example.
My Dad taught me to hunt and he taught me one lesson that has drifted up into my consciousness when I needed it most. My history with my Dad has not always been a good one, and there is one living human that I shared all of that with, just one. My Dad taught me how to track, how to sit in stillness for an ambush. It was a skill I used once and to my regret, there are no animals that walk on more than two legs that need fear me. It would have to be an act of desperation to use that talent. I am a good hunter, it's just been a long time. The ability to sit still for a long time -- to wait -- to be patient. It comes back to you when you are alone and remember what it is to be still. My Dad taught me another lesson, when my kids were taken from me by my ex-wife: "Now is not forever."
My Mamaw taught me how to love. She was born in early January, like Heather, and like her had a capacity to love that was greater than I have seen in all but a few. They are healers.
Sun-Tzu taught me how to fight a war when I was twelve years old. How to plan a battle, find an objective, weigh what you are willing to lose against what you are willing to gain. How to know the enemy and yourself. Sun-Tzu said many things that were memorable, the greatest was this: "If you know your enemy and you know yourself, you need not fear the outcome of 1000 battles."
Musashi taught me how to fight before I ever threw a punch in anger.
Victor Hugo taught me what it was to sacrifice and what it was to stand for something when there was nothing left to stand for.
Yeats taught me what chaos comes from unrestrained power. What it was to lose control.
Whether it be a job, friendship, family, love or some lesser goal, these teachers taught me the path to achieving what seems unattainable and have placed their mark upon me, as have you, as mothers, wives, daughters, sons, husbands, men and women, with simple words of pain shared in public or private. Personal victories, a kind word, a thought, a set upon the journey.
In every action, there is a lesson, every moment of pain, there is weakness that is tempered into strength, and every time the fire calls you and I to dance again in the flame, there is a connection, a continuity, a forging of understanding.
In sniper school, they would set us to squatting on a chair and leave us to wait for that perfect moment, the one that must be seized or lost until the next perfect moment. My legs would cramp and ache, until I learned how to wait for that moment, flexing and training the muscles in my legs. Patience is not inaction, it is an act of will.
Burn with me.
My Papaw taught me what it was to be a man. It is a lesson that I am still learning. There are time when I am selfish and petty, or worrisome and small, when he would not have been. If you know me at all, you know that every day I spend trying to live up to that example.
My Dad taught me to hunt and he taught me one lesson that has drifted up into my consciousness when I needed it most. My history with my Dad has not always been a good one, and there is one living human that I shared all of that with, just one. My Dad taught me how to track, how to sit in stillness for an ambush. It was a skill I used once and to my regret, there are no animals that walk on more than two legs that need fear me. It would have to be an act of desperation to use that talent. I am a good hunter, it's just been a long time. The ability to sit still for a long time -- to wait -- to be patient. It comes back to you when you are alone and remember what it is to be still. My Dad taught me another lesson, when my kids were taken from me by my ex-wife: "Now is not forever."
My Mamaw taught me how to love. She was born in early January, like Heather, and like her had a capacity to love that was greater than I have seen in all but a few. They are healers.
Sun-Tzu taught me how to fight a war when I was twelve years old. How to plan a battle, find an objective, weigh what you are willing to lose against what you are willing to gain. How to know the enemy and yourself. Sun-Tzu said many things that were memorable, the greatest was this: "If you know your enemy and you know yourself, you need not fear the outcome of 1000 battles."
Musashi taught me how to fight before I ever threw a punch in anger.
Victor Hugo taught me what it was to sacrifice and what it was to stand for something when there was nothing left to stand for.
Yeats taught me what chaos comes from unrestrained power. What it was to lose control.
Whether it be a job, friendship, family, love or some lesser goal, these teachers taught me the path to achieving what seems unattainable and have placed their mark upon me, as have you, as mothers, wives, daughters, sons, husbands, men and women, with simple words of pain shared in public or private. Personal victories, a kind word, a thought, a set upon the journey.
In every action, there is a lesson, every moment of pain, there is weakness that is tempered into strength, and every time the fire calls you and I to dance again in the flame, there is a connection, a continuity, a forging of understanding.
In sniper school, they would set us to squatting on a chair and leave us to wait for that perfect moment, the one that must be seized or lost until the next perfect moment. My legs would cramp and ache, until I learned how to wait for that moment, flexing and training the muscles in my legs. Patience is not inaction, it is an act of will.
Burn with me.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Words from the past
Today I picked up my copy of The Book of Five Rings, when you feel like you are losing a handle on your life, it is good to listen to Musashi. The Kensai was very smart.
But in the front of the book, there was a note written by me, to me, from 11/2/1996.
"Never forget why you hold this book,
Never forget to whom you gave your first copy,
Never forget your pain and hurt,
Never forget that you were a fool,
We will never forget, we will never be that
foolish again, will never hurt like that again.
Never forget.
*kanji for disorder* Brian 11/2/96"
And, of course, I did, I was, I am.
But in the front of the book, there was a note written by me, to me, from 11/2/1996.
"Never forget why you hold this book,
Never forget to whom you gave your first copy,
Never forget your pain and hurt,
Never forget that you were a fool,
We will never forget, we will never be that
foolish again, will never hurt like that again.
Never forget.
*kanji for disorder* Brian 11/2/96"
And, of course, I did, I was, I am.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Existing
Today's entry for "365 days of Tao" was particularly applicable to me. I dreamed last night, in detail.
Fog makes the world a painting obscure.
Even close trees are half unseen.
But a lonesome crow won't stop calling:
He objects to being in this dream.
Over and over, the sages tell us that this world is but a dream.
When one awakes on foggy mornings, with the mists obscuring hills and valleys and the trees and village buildings appearing as diaphanous apparitions, we might even agree with them. Didn't we see this same uncertain mirage in the hills of Vermont? The hollow of the Yangtze River valley? The streets of Paris? Don't the memories blend with the dream and turn reality into phantasmagoria?
The world is a dream from which there is no escaping.
In this still dream, there is a crow calling. He doesn't stop. When everything else is frozen in the sepulchral dawn, the bird continues to scream. Maybe he realizes the same dream. He protests loudly.
The ancients hold the outer reality to be unreal. But there is the inner reality too. Some of us do not readily accept the conditions of this existence. We have eyes to see, but we also have voice to refute the existential delusion.
We have ears to hear, a mouth to speak, and eyes to observe. We can accept the dream or deny the illusions -- some we create, but some are created by others. Self-delusion is a crime against not just yourself, but those you would share your life with.
Even close trees are half unseen.
But a lonesome crow won't stop calling:
He objects to being in this dream.
Over and over, the sages tell us that this world is but a dream.
When one awakes on foggy mornings, with the mists obscuring hills and valleys and the trees and village buildings appearing as diaphanous apparitions, we might even agree with them. Didn't we see this same uncertain mirage in the hills of Vermont? The hollow of the Yangtze River valley? The streets of Paris? Don't the memories blend with the dream and turn reality into phantasmagoria?
The world is a dream from which there is no escaping.
In this still dream, there is a crow calling. He doesn't stop. When everything else is frozen in the sepulchral dawn, the bird continues to scream. Maybe he realizes the same dream. He protests loudly.
The ancients hold the outer reality to be unreal. But there is the inner reality too. Some of us do not readily accept the conditions of this existence. We have eyes to see, but we also have voice to refute the existential delusion.
We have ears to hear, a mouth to speak, and eyes to observe. We can accept the dream or deny the illusions -- some we create, but some are created by others. Self-delusion is a crime against not just yourself, but those you would share your life with.
Visitations
In the early morning, I had two visitors in my dreams.
The first was my second wife. We were in a house that I didn't recognize. We were sitting on the couch talking. It was a strangely familiar feeling. We sat very close to one another, we talked and I remember a lot of the conversation in detail. How, Shane (my former friend who she cheated with) had become her husband in her mind and her heart. I asked a lot of questions, but none of them were answered directly. I would wake up periodically, only to drive myself to plunge directly back into that dream.
The colors were vivid, there were a lot of cool blues and whites, emotionless colors, cold, like she was. It was all very painful to hear, but it was like someone closed a door. I wasn't as angry anymore. I always wanted some sort of answer, maybe this will be the closest to the truth I will ever get.
The second visitor was the Lady by the River. She was sad. She wanted to say something to me, it felt like she had done something that she was upset about, like she had done something to hurt me and didn't know what to say. I tried to talk to her about it, but she would laugh and smile and then begin to cry. It was frustrating and very sad. I tried to make myself wake up a couple of times (in direct opposition to the first visit), but I couldn't. So, I held her as long as she would let me.
I woke up wounded, feeling a bit like I had been betrayed, like a sacrifice, a Judas goat. All the sins were heaped on me -- I have shoulders broad enough, but I have enough sins of my own. I'm not carrying them for anyone else anymore.
Burn with me
The first was my second wife. We were in a house that I didn't recognize. We were sitting on the couch talking. It was a strangely familiar feeling. We sat very close to one another, we talked and I remember a lot of the conversation in detail. How, Shane (my former friend who she cheated with) had become her husband in her mind and her heart. I asked a lot of questions, but none of them were answered directly. I would wake up periodically, only to drive myself to plunge directly back into that dream.
The colors were vivid, there were a lot of cool blues and whites, emotionless colors, cold, like she was. It was all very painful to hear, but it was like someone closed a door. I wasn't as angry anymore. I always wanted some sort of answer, maybe this will be the closest to the truth I will ever get.
The second visitor was the Lady by the River. She was sad. She wanted to say something to me, it felt like she had done something that she was upset about, like she had done something to hurt me and didn't know what to say. I tried to talk to her about it, but she would laugh and smile and then begin to cry. It was frustrating and very sad. I tried to make myself wake up a couple of times (in direct opposition to the first visit), but I couldn't. So, I held her as long as she would let me.
I woke up wounded, feeling a bit like I had been betrayed, like a sacrifice, a Judas goat. All the sins were heaped on me -- I have shoulders broad enough, but I have enough sins of my own. I'm not carrying them for anyone else anymore.
Burn with me
Thursday, October 23, 2008
"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves" -- Dalai Lama
How can you tell your life is out of balance? There is a harmony and a rhythm to the universe. A trip to the store and some strawberry ice-cream can solve everything for a moment. Losing your focus and losing your way start small, with a single bad choice that leads to the next and the next.
There is nothing self-pitying in that statement, there is not a hair of weakness, there is not an ounce of fear. If there is a hole in the ground, you fill it with dirt. If there is a hole in yourself, you fill it with you. No one else will fit.
The Prayer was: "Today, let me be invincible." Somewhere along the line I forgot that and fooled myself into thinking I was, on my own.
Now there is a very simple path, no slogans, no quips, no war cries. Be a good man, every day. Do right by everyone you meet. Be honest in everything you do. Help yourself and help others and let others help you. Do no harm.
Peace.
There is nothing self-pitying in that statement, there is not a hair of weakness, there is not an ounce of fear. If there is a hole in the ground, you fill it with dirt. If there is a hole in yourself, you fill it with you. No one else will fit.
The Prayer was: "Today, let me be invincible." Somewhere along the line I forgot that and fooled myself into thinking I was, on my own.
Now there is a very simple path, no slogans, no quips, no war cries. Be a good man, every day. Do right by everyone you meet. Be honest in everything you do. Help yourself and help others and let others help you. Do no harm.
Peace.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Even the fire dies
This is what it feels like when the fire burns low, when you're on edge and even your skin hurts. You want to burn, but the fire is a flicker. It's not dead, that, hopefully, won;t be for a while yet.
Life gives you ups and downs, highs that are so high that nothing will ever feel that good, until the next time, lows that are so low that nothing will feel that bad, until the next time.
Life is what it is, it is bitter and it is sweet and the taste is what it is, you sip, bit, taste and guzzle, but it's all the same life.
Burn with me
Life gives you ups and downs, highs that are so high that nothing will ever feel that good, until the next time, lows that are so low that nothing will feel that bad, until the next time.
Life is what it is, it is bitter and it is sweet and the taste is what it is, you sip, bit, taste and guzzle, but it's all the same life.
Burn with me
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Home is where the heart is
There is a road that leads home, the only home I have ever wanted -- it's a long road. What kind of fool would walk forever just to go home?
You'd have to see what I see at the end of the road.
Life made me Invincible.
The Universe made me Unstoppable.
But the Lady by the River makes me Inevitable.
43 years of fighting the world. Would I change one thing? No.
Burn with me.
You'd have to see what I see at the end of the road.
Life made me Invincible.
The Universe made me Unstoppable.
But the Lady by the River makes me Inevitable.
43 years of fighting the world. Would I change one thing? No.
Burn with me.
Friday, October 17, 2008
What would Pooh do?
He would buy the ice-cream, drive over and be where he was supposed to be at exactly the right time and in exactly the right place.
And I did.
If you laugh at miracle and moments of perfect synchronicity, remember that they are laughing back.
And I did.
If you laugh at miracle and moments of perfect synchronicity, remember that they are laughing back.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Because of Ice-Cream
Thanks to a conversation about ice-cream, I went searching for a post today. You see, today was a very good day. Work was light, I was on fire, I smiled and I laughed and I realized that I do deserve the good things in my life. I have come to the light-side. Somewhere, the Lady by the River is smiling.
So, because of the continuity and synchronicity of life, this good day led me to the following post from May 15th, 2006. It was just after my birthday, I had yet to buy my house and my youngest daughter had not moved it. My marriage was rocky and I was doing whatever I could to save it. It is only slightly modified to put things into context.
Journey into Mystery
The title of this post comes from a popular comic book in the 1960's. Journey in to Mystery was where the Superhero Thor first appeared (and eventually took over the book). The funny thing about the book after Thor took over the title was that it was not very mysterious anymore. I guess that is why they changed the title to "The Mighty Thor".
End of comic book references.
May of 2006, I was trying to save my marriage and my sanity (failed with the first, succeeded with the second) I had my own journey into mystery. I was sick and unfortunately stayed home from work. I spent most of the day and the next day piled up in my bed. I spent two days digesting the "Tao of Pooh".
I know that the enlightenment is a very personal thing. As Lex Luthor said: 'Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe.' I have some friends that have read this book and come away with a sense of enjoyment and a spiritual boost. I, on the other hand, have found my teacher... Pooh Bear.
I won't go into details. I'm no preacher and I don't mean to suggest that my understanding is anyone else's understanding, but I have learned some things that have had a profound affect on my life.
There are some ideas in the world that have been communicated to me by my mother, preachers, friends and small children. I had, in my prior resistance to accepting different truths, ignored these things. The thing I am learning is simple: everything happens in its own time and to its own purpose, control is an illusion and (from Master Pooh) every day is a beautiful adventure in living.
I know that all sounds very huggy-feely and squishy... It is. It is precisely all the I'm-ok-you're-ok, huggy-feely, warm-and-fuzzy 'non-sense' I have rejected all my life... but it is verifiable true. There is a heartbeat to nature and a rhythm to life, if you move with that rhythm and stop struggling against it, you will find life much easier and that you will be where you are suppose to be when you are suppose to be there.
Lao Tzu often taught with stories. I have a story for you.
When I was 6 years old and my mother and I lived alone, there was a day when my mom stopped and bought me a strawberry ice cream. I loved strawberry it was my favorite flavor. On the way home my mom ran out of gas (I had no idea how poor we were at the time) and we had to walk to the gas station. On the way my ice cream melted and I remember being sick with worry. I never ate strawberry ice cream again. For 35 years, I ate vanilla.
May 14th of 2006, I fixed dinner for my (then) wife and son. Then we sat down to watch "Dr. Who". I sat down with them and grabbed the last piece of my birthday cake. I asked my wife if she would like some cake. She told me no, but did we have any ice cream? I smiled, thought of Pooh and said "No, but let us go get some."
The three of us went to the 31 Flavors (known in other parts of the country as Baskin-Robbin's). When we entered, we saw that the place was crowded. Prior to then, I would have turned around and left, become frustrated or gone through the drive-through. Instead, I enjoyed the interlude, spoke to other patrons and decided what ice cream I wanted. Thanks to my son's eagle eye, I saw that there was Very-Berry Strawberry and Strawberry Cheesecake. I got a two scoop sundae (patience, there is a point to all of this). I wondered what I would put on a sundae of mainly strawberry (as I didn't think that hot fudge would be good), I relinquished control and didn't even rush to decided. The old, smiling man behind the counter suggested strawberry sauce. He prepared my sundae and put a lid on it (I didn't ask for one) and we drove home.
When we got home, my downstairs neighbor (whom I had never spoken to) came up to us begging us to help her jump off her dead battery. She offered money, etc. I told her not to worry about it, drove over, and jumped off her car so she could get to work.
My ex-wife held my ice cream.
If I had decided NOT to be spontaneous, I would have missed so many things that night: the joy of rediscovering strawberry ice cream, watching my family truly relax with me and the opportunity to help someone. If I had been in a rush, my neighbor would have been late or not gotten to work at all, (as I am sure, she would never have come to knock on our door for help). If I had maintained my illusion of control, my ice cream would have melted to sludge under the hot fudge.
When we walked up stairs my son looked at me in wonder and said: "This thing is really working for you."
He's always been a clever boy.
Everything has its timing and its place. Since then, I have seen this amazing thing over-and-over. The Rhythm of life is so real to me and when you move in harmony with it you are never late and never early. You are where you are supposed to be all the time.
Burn with me
So, because of the continuity and synchronicity of life, this good day led me to the following post from May 15th, 2006. It was just after my birthday, I had yet to buy my house and my youngest daughter had not moved it. My marriage was rocky and I was doing whatever I could to save it. It is only slightly modified to put things into context.
Journey into Mystery
The title of this post comes from a popular comic book in the 1960's. Journey in to Mystery was where the Superhero Thor first appeared (and eventually took over the book). The funny thing about the book after Thor took over the title was that it was not very mysterious anymore. I guess that is why they changed the title to "The Mighty Thor".
End of comic book references.
May of 2006, I was trying to save my marriage and my sanity (failed with the first, succeeded with the second) I had my own journey into mystery. I was sick and unfortunately stayed home from work. I spent most of the day and the next day piled up in my bed. I spent two days digesting the "Tao of Pooh".
I know that the enlightenment is a very personal thing. As Lex Luthor said: 'Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe.' I have some friends that have read this book and come away with a sense of enjoyment and a spiritual boost. I, on the other hand, have found my teacher... Pooh Bear.
I won't go into details. I'm no preacher and I don't mean to suggest that my understanding is anyone else's understanding, but I have learned some things that have had a profound affect on my life.
There are some ideas in the world that have been communicated to me by my mother, preachers, friends and small children. I had, in my prior resistance to accepting different truths, ignored these things. The thing I am learning is simple: everything happens in its own time and to its own purpose, control is an illusion and (from Master Pooh) every day is a beautiful adventure in living.
I know that all sounds very huggy-feely and squishy... It is. It is precisely all the I'm-ok-you're-ok, huggy-feely, warm-and-fuzzy 'non-sense' I have rejected all my life... but it is verifiable true. There is a heartbeat to nature and a rhythm to life, if you move with that rhythm and stop struggling against it, you will find life much easier and that you will be where you are suppose to be when you are suppose to be there.
Lao Tzu often taught with stories. I have a story for you.
When I was 6 years old and my mother and I lived alone, there was a day when my mom stopped and bought me a strawberry ice cream. I loved strawberry it was my favorite flavor. On the way home my mom ran out of gas (I had no idea how poor we were at the time) and we had to walk to the gas station. On the way my ice cream melted and I remember being sick with worry. I never ate strawberry ice cream again. For 35 years, I ate vanilla.
May 14th of 2006, I fixed dinner for my (then) wife and son. Then we sat down to watch "Dr. Who". I sat down with them and grabbed the last piece of my birthday cake. I asked my wife if she would like some cake. She told me no, but did we have any ice cream? I smiled, thought of Pooh and said "No, but let us go get some."
The three of us went to the 31 Flavors (known in other parts of the country as Baskin-Robbin's). When we entered, we saw that the place was crowded. Prior to then, I would have turned around and left, become frustrated or gone through the drive-through. Instead, I enjoyed the interlude, spoke to other patrons and decided what ice cream I wanted. Thanks to my son's eagle eye, I saw that there was Very-Berry Strawberry and Strawberry Cheesecake. I got a two scoop sundae (patience, there is a point to all of this). I wondered what I would put on a sundae of mainly strawberry (as I didn't think that hot fudge would be good), I relinquished control and didn't even rush to decided. The old, smiling man behind the counter suggested strawberry sauce. He prepared my sundae and put a lid on it (I didn't ask for one) and we drove home.
When we got home, my downstairs neighbor (whom I had never spoken to) came up to us begging us to help her jump off her dead battery. She offered money, etc. I told her not to worry about it, drove over, and jumped off her car so she could get to work.
My ex-wife held my ice cream.
If I had decided NOT to be spontaneous, I would have missed so many things that night: the joy of rediscovering strawberry ice cream, watching my family truly relax with me and the opportunity to help someone. If I had been in a rush, my neighbor would have been late or not gotten to work at all, (as I am sure, she would never have come to knock on our door for help). If I had maintained my illusion of control, my ice cream would have melted to sludge under the hot fudge.
When we walked up stairs my son looked at me in wonder and said: "This thing is really working for you."
He's always been a clever boy.
Everything has its timing and its place. Since then, I have seen this amazing thing over-and-over. The Rhythm of life is so real to me and when you move in harmony with it you are never late and never early. You are where you are supposed to be all the time.
Burn with me
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is a light shining somewhere nearby.”
Today I was asked if the need, the ache, and the desire to touch and be touched was a weakness. The argument being that any passion, any ache or need was a hook and a lever. How, could I have such passions, such aches and, such needs and still call myself invincible.
Fair question.
I answered the way I always do:
There is a song by Garth Brooks "Standing outside the fire," it has a line that reminds me that if burning for what you deserve to have is a weakness, then I'll take that and wear it like a badge.
"We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all
They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire"
To surrender to the fire is not a weakness and there is nothing we cannot attain, only things we won't fight for. Is there not one thing in your life worth losing everything for?
Today could have been very rough, it was in a lot of ways. For years I have been fighting a fight where I don't get to sit down, I don't get a time-out, and I have no partner to let me rest. I knew today, when I went to look at that journal entry from two years ago, exactly what it would say. October 15th is burned into my mind. Two ex-wives and an ex-girlfriend popped up. Finally, I was feeling like an asshole because I was too oversensitive about something.
People can be confusing sometimes, it's no sin, we all do it. Even as empathic and with my ability to read people, I miss things, and surely that is no fault of mine. I am my harshest critic and, frankly, it's insulting to expect the worst from people. Just because other people in your life took the short exit doesn't mean that everyone else will. Sometimes you pick people to share your life who are good people.
There are no shadows without the light and the longer the shadow, the brighter the light. There is no light without fire. I am blessed by the lights that burn with me.
Celebrate the light and the fire.
Curse the darkness and light a flamethrower.
Burn with me.
Fair question.
I answered the way I always do:
There is a song by Garth Brooks "Standing outside the fire," it has a line that reminds me that if burning for what you deserve to have is a weakness, then I'll take that and wear it like a badge.
"We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all
They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire"
To surrender to the fire is not a weakness and there is nothing we cannot attain, only things we won't fight for. Is there not one thing in your life worth losing everything for?
Today could have been very rough, it was in a lot of ways. For years I have been fighting a fight where I don't get to sit down, I don't get a time-out, and I have no partner to let me rest. I knew today, when I went to look at that journal entry from two years ago, exactly what it would say. October 15th is burned into my mind. Two ex-wives and an ex-girlfriend popped up. Finally, I was feeling like an asshole because I was too oversensitive about something.
People can be confusing sometimes, it's no sin, we all do it. Even as empathic and with my ability to read people, I miss things, and surely that is no fault of mine. I am my harshest critic and, frankly, it's insulting to expect the worst from people. Just because other people in your life took the short exit doesn't mean that everyone else will. Sometimes you pick people to share your life who are good people.
There are no shadows without the light and the longer the shadow, the brighter the light. There is no light without fire. I am blessed by the lights that burn with me.
Celebrate the light and the fire.
Curse the darkness and light a flamethrower.
Burn with me.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
You tell'em Wally
It is a well known fact that I find truth in the most bizarre places, act on moments of perfection, and find happiness in simple things. I am harder on myself than I need to be. I am my own worst critic.
I am learning.
I am learning to say: "I don't deserve your friendship -- much." I am learning to care about things that impact people's lives again. I am learning to care if a football team is winning. I am learning what it is to be human again. I am learning what it was that made Roy get up every day and fight the world for his grandson. I am learning to talk to God. For these things I am eternally grateful. We grow through giving, doing what is right, justice, truth, honor, and trying not to sound too pretentious while doing so (and failing miserably).
Today's simple truth comes from "Justice League" (2001)(Season 4, Episode 12) . In the story, the charter members of the Justice League fight an amalgam of Braniac and Lex Luthor, during the battle, they face "Justice Lord" versions of themselves, counterparts that attack their self of sense worth. There is a "Lorder" Eason in here somewhere, he doesn't think I'm worthy of the happiness I fight for, the life I live.
This quote is for him:
Lorder Flash: Slacker! Child! Clown! We have no place here among the world's greatest heroes.
The Flash: Says you! I got a seat at the big conference table. I'm gonna paint my logo on it!
I am an agent of change, I enter your life and nothing will ever be the same. I hope, profoundly, that when my life is done, that those changed by my presence will smile and laugh and remember only the things I did to make their lives better, and that my legacy will be one born of the good that I did. I am an agent of change, aren't we all?
Gonna go paint my logo on the big chair, now.
Peace.
I am learning.
I am learning to say: "I don't deserve your friendship -- much." I am learning to care about things that impact people's lives again. I am learning to care if a football team is winning. I am learning what it is to be human again. I am learning what it was that made Roy get up every day and fight the world for his grandson. I am learning to talk to God. For these things I am eternally grateful. We grow through giving, doing what is right, justice, truth, honor, and trying not to sound too pretentious while doing so (and failing miserably).
Today's simple truth comes from "Justice League" (2001)(Season 4, Episode 12) . In the story, the charter members of the Justice League fight an amalgam of Braniac and Lex Luthor, during the battle, they face "Justice Lord" versions of themselves, counterparts that attack their self of sense worth. There is a "Lorder" Eason in here somewhere, he doesn't think I'm worthy of the happiness I fight for, the life I live.
This quote is for him:
Lorder Flash: Slacker! Child! Clown! We have no place here among the world's greatest heroes.
The Flash: Says you! I got a seat at the big conference table. I'm gonna paint my logo on it!
I am an agent of change, I enter your life and nothing will ever be the same. I hope, profoundly, that when my life is done, that those changed by my presence will smile and laugh and remember only the things I did to make their lives better, and that my legacy will be one born of the good that I did. I am an agent of change, aren't we all?
Gonna go paint my logo on the big chair, now.
Peace.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
The Singular Truth
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! -- how consoling in the depths of affliction! "And this, too, shall pass away." - Abraham Lincoln (September 30, 1859)
There is one truth is the hour of longing, in the hour of pride, in the hour of sadness, in the hour of joy: that our corruptible bodies and our immortal spirits shall see an hour when all things come to an end. An end to waiting and an end to sadness, an end to happiness and an fulfillment. In the end there is only man and the answer to the ineffable question of "why are we here?"
Seize instead the moment of joy, learn instead from the moment of loss, and choose instead to wait for that moment of perfection to which we all are heir.
One perfect moment. The scent, the touch, the taste that lingers for 1000 lifetimes and calls us all back to that perfect moment, living in hope for the next moment of perfection that we share.
Some dreams are made reality by the passage of perfect moments and some battles we win in the heart, waiting for the moment when the terrain has changed and the singular prize for which we have waited a lifetime, comes into focus. Such a prize is all that a man could desire and all he should ever hope for, for to do less makes him not a man at all. Boldness is what becomes a man, hope and love are what enlarges his soul.
Is there not one thing in your life that was losing everything for?
Burn with me.
There is one truth is the hour of longing, in the hour of pride, in the hour of sadness, in the hour of joy: that our corruptible bodies and our immortal spirits shall see an hour when all things come to an end. An end to waiting and an end to sadness, an end to happiness and an fulfillment. In the end there is only man and the answer to the ineffable question of "why are we here?"
Seize instead the moment of joy, learn instead from the moment of loss, and choose instead to wait for that moment of perfection to which we all are heir.
One perfect moment. The scent, the touch, the taste that lingers for 1000 lifetimes and calls us all back to that perfect moment, living in hope for the next moment of perfection that we share.
Some dreams are made reality by the passage of perfect moments and some battles we win in the heart, waiting for the moment when the terrain has changed and the singular prize for which we have waited a lifetime, comes into focus. Such a prize is all that a man could desire and all he should ever hope for, for to do less makes him not a man at all. Boldness is what becomes a man, hope and love are what enlarges his soul.
Is there not one thing in your life that was losing everything for?
Burn with me.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Lady by the River
When I was 19 years old I had a dream. It was the most vivid dream of my life. It was in color, the sounds were in dolby surround-sound, the smells were as real as anything I have ever experienced.
There was a lady by a river. Her hair was auburn and her eyes were hazel. She talked to me about all the things she was and all the things she ever will be. The dream seemed to last forever. I fell deeply in love with her and then I woke up.
The dream was so real to me that it hurt when I woke up and she wasn't there. It was a physical and emotional ache and it hung on for days. Weeks and months went by and I had the dream again, we talked about different things, she held my hand and when i awoke, she was more real to me than my life.
I did what I always did in those days, I talked to Burt. I looked at Burt and said: "Have you ever had a dream that was more real than what you have in your life?'
Mood smiled at me and said: "Nah, Dude, but you did."
I nodded to him and told him about the lady by the river. I told him about the recurring dream and how different it was. Burt's people were, as we said in those days, witchy. The would talk to a burn on your arm and the swelling would go down. They could talk to horses and snakes. They believed in a kind of kismet and hedge-magic that was beyond my understanding. I asked Mood what I should do. He smiled at me and said: "Reckon you need to go find that lady by the river."
And I have looked for her every day of my life, the Lady by the River. The dreams continue to this day, they are the same and crystal clear. She has been the Heroine of every story I have written, the source of every dream I have recorded. She is the image of perfection writ large upon my life.
Some men say they are looking for the woman of their dreams, in my case, it is literally true.
Burn with me
There was a lady by a river. Her hair was auburn and her eyes were hazel. She talked to me about all the things she was and all the things she ever will be. The dream seemed to last forever. I fell deeply in love with her and then I woke up.
The dream was so real to me that it hurt when I woke up and she wasn't there. It was a physical and emotional ache and it hung on for days. Weeks and months went by and I had the dream again, we talked about different things, she held my hand and when i awoke, she was more real to me than my life.
I did what I always did in those days, I talked to Burt. I looked at Burt and said: "Have you ever had a dream that was more real than what you have in your life?'
Mood smiled at me and said: "Nah, Dude, but you did."
I nodded to him and told him about the lady by the river. I told him about the recurring dream and how different it was. Burt's people were, as we said in those days, witchy. The would talk to a burn on your arm and the swelling would go down. They could talk to horses and snakes. They believed in a kind of kismet and hedge-magic that was beyond my understanding. I asked Mood what I should do. He smiled at me and said: "Reckon you need to go find that lady by the river."
And I have looked for her every day of my life, the Lady by the River. The dreams continue to this day, they are the same and crystal clear. She has been the Heroine of every story I have written, the source of every dream I have recorded. She is the image of perfection writ large upon my life.
Some men say they are looking for the woman of their dreams, in my case, it is literally true.
Burn with me
Saturday, September 27, 2008
"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things:
Of shoes-and ships-and sealing wax- Of cabbages-and kings- And why the sea is boiling hot- And whether pigs have wings."
It has been two years since I moved into my house and I am pleased. It still feels new sometimes.
I challenge myself daily to let go of the old and bring newness to my life, my home and my family.
This is the house where I tried to save my marriage and failed. I see that when I look at the walls sometimes.
Life is a struggle, it makes life have flavor. Sometimes the flavor is sweet and sometimes it is bitter but it is the life we get and to waste it with worry and stress are a sin.
During my marriage and the relationship that followed, I suppressed a part of me for a long while. I suppressed this part of me because it was a part that did some bad things and hurt a lot of people and tended to be selfish. It was also the part of me that would kick down a mountain, that would give you the 'I know you want me' smile, that had not a single moment of doubt and had never known regret.
Being that guy is a balancing act and sometimes I want to retreat to the me I became when it came time to make amends for my past misdeeds. But that's not the real me. The real me is a little bit crazy, a guy who smiles and laughs easily, a guy that isn't afraid of you, your friends or any army you might have with you, he's a passionate lover and a passionate fighter. He's 50% hero and 50% bastard. He's the me that we tried to kill in therapy. He's the me that my friends deserve, my kids need and my enemies fear.
He's the man you see when you look at me. The one that I would see in your mirror.
And he's walking a road on fire.
Burn with me.
It has been two years since I moved into my house and I am pleased. It still feels new sometimes.
I challenge myself daily to let go of the old and bring newness to my life, my home and my family.
This is the house where I tried to save my marriage and failed. I see that when I look at the walls sometimes.
Life is a struggle, it makes life have flavor. Sometimes the flavor is sweet and sometimes it is bitter but it is the life we get and to waste it with worry and stress are a sin.
During my marriage and the relationship that followed, I suppressed a part of me for a long while. I suppressed this part of me because it was a part that did some bad things and hurt a lot of people and tended to be selfish. It was also the part of me that would kick down a mountain, that would give you the 'I know you want me' smile, that had not a single moment of doubt and had never known regret.
Being that guy is a balancing act and sometimes I want to retreat to the me I became when it came time to make amends for my past misdeeds. But that's not the real me. The real me is a little bit crazy, a guy who smiles and laughs easily, a guy that isn't afraid of you, your friends or any army you might have with you, he's a passionate lover and a passionate fighter. He's 50% hero and 50% bastard. He's the me that we tried to kill in therapy. He's the me that my friends deserve, my kids need and my enemies fear.
He's the man you see when you look at me. The one that I would see in your mirror.
And he's walking a road on fire.
Burn with me.
Monday, September 22, 2008
"Do you know what it is like to be a warrior in a world of sheep and pacifists?"
“People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest.” - Hermann Hesse
"There is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this." - Rorschach (Watchmen, 1985)
“Honor is simply the morality of superior men.” - Henry Louis Mencken
“Honor is the inner garment of the Soul; the first thing put on by it with the flesh, and the last it layeth down at its separation from it.”- Akhenaton (King of Egypt, 14th century BC)
“He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.” - Walter Lippmann
“Justice is conscience, not a personal conscience but the conscience of the whole of humanity. Those who clearly recognize the voice of their own conscience usually recognize also the voice of justice.” - Alexander Solzhenitsyn
"Countless as the sands of the sea are human passions." - Nikolai Gogol
"All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love." - Leo Tolstoy
"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. " - General George S. Patton
"Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or keep one." - General Robert E. Lee
Burn with me
"There is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this." - Rorschach (Watchmen, 1985)
“Honor is simply the morality of superior men.” - Henry Louis Mencken
“Honor is the inner garment of the Soul; the first thing put on by it with the flesh, and the last it layeth down at its separation from it.”- Akhenaton (King of Egypt, 14th century BC)
“He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.” - Walter Lippmann
“Justice is conscience, not a personal conscience but the conscience of the whole of humanity. Those who clearly recognize the voice of their own conscience usually recognize also the voice of justice.” - Alexander Solzhenitsyn
"Countless as the sands of the sea are human passions." - Nikolai Gogol
"All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love." - Leo Tolstoy
"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. " - General George S. Patton
"Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or keep one." - General Robert E. Lee
Burn with me
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Culture of Honor
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
- John 15:13
Burn with me
- John 15:13
Burn with me
Sunday, September 14, 2008
When in doubt, break the rules
Just don't break your rules, or, to paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, Rules are only oppressive in the third person as in: Their rules.
"Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking about."
- G. K. Chesterton
Burn with me
"Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking about."
- G. K. Chesterton
Burn with me
Sunday, September 7, 2008
"You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends." - Joseph Conrad
When you walk into a room, look around you. The ones that just got nervous, the ones that won't look you in the eye, the ones that try to hard to smile or laugh, the ones that won't speak or look at you. Those are the ones that lie, even to themselves. Watch them leave, one by one, and you are the only one they won't look at on their way out.
"And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst." - John 8:9
I love being the Elephant in the room that no one can bring themselves to talk about.
Burn with me
"And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst." - John 8:9
I love being the Elephant in the room that no one can bring themselves to talk about.
Burn with me
Friday, September 5, 2008
If I could have one wish alone, it would be to come home.
"A man must know his destiny… if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder… if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it." - George S. Patton"
Sherif, is there not one thing in your life that is worth losing everything for?" - Mulay Achmed Mohammed el-Raisuli the Magnificent (The Wind and the Lion)
Burn with me
Sherif, is there not one thing in your life that is worth losing everything for?" - Mulay Achmed Mohammed el-Raisuli the Magnificent (The Wind and the Lion)
Burn with me
Friday, August 22, 2008
Truth on film
"Settle...settle for anything and you're doomed. My biggest fear in life is being mediocre. You can't be willing to settle for anything and especially for less than we deserve. We should strive for greatness. Life is too short. Anything less than extraordinary is a waste of mytime."
-- Ione Skye - Dreams for an Insomniac
-- Ione Skye - Dreams for an Insomniac
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Burn out the day, Burn out the night, I'm Burning for you - Blue Oyster Cult
Passion is an infinite resource, like love, like hate, like hope. You can dampen the fire, but you can't put it out. When it sleeps, the fire kept you warm. Like some sappy story of a flower beneath snowfall waiting for spring, it burned low, but the fire was still there.
You'd see art and it would stir. The music would play and the fire would climb up your spine until the commercial came on. But we forget, those that burn, that the fire never dies, it is eternal and immortal as we are, waiting to waken.
When the passion rises, when you want to stretch your arms wide, when you dance while you are playing pool -- do it, surrender to it. Stretch your arms wide and feel the heat in your body again and watch the fire engulf you and burn everything you touch.
Fire is pure, it cleanses, ash remains where there was nothing worth having, gold and iron and silver smelt and become pure. Fire calls to fire, in the end there are only those that burn and those that watch the fire.
Burn for me, I'll burn for you.
Burn with me.
You'd see art and it would stir. The music would play and the fire would climb up your spine until the commercial came on. But we forget, those that burn, that the fire never dies, it is eternal and immortal as we are, waiting to waken.
When the passion rises, when you want to stretch your arms wide, when you dance while you are playing pool -- do it, surrender to it. Stretch your arms wide and feel the heat in your body again and watch the fire engulf you and burn everything you touch.
Fire is pure, it cleanses, ash remains where there was nothing worth having, gold and iron and silver smelt and become pure. Fire calls to fire, in the end there are only those that burn and those that watch the fire.
Burn for me, I'll burn for you.
Burn with me.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Wanted
I want to go to Africa, I want to dance through life again, I want to never feel fear, I want every head to turn when i walk into a room again, I want to build something that will live after me, I want to be a great man and not just play one with plumbing in his hand, I want to love like it's my last breath, I want to spread my arms and walk through the corridors of the world and have the fire in my hands burn everything it touches, I want to be remembered, I want to do things that make a difference again, I want to live in fire.
Burn with me
Burn with me
Thursday, August 7, 2008
O! for a muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention. - Henry V
Inspiration comes in many forms. To speak and be driven to sing. To walk and come to dance. To share experience and hunger to know, truly know. Life is funny, you never know what will happen, you can stand on the sidelines and watch or you can burn.
No matches required.
Burn with me
No matches required.
Burn with me
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Fire
While this is not true of any specific thing, it is true of all things, if it rings true to you, then someone else understands.
There is a dangerously fine line between want and have. The only thing that holds that line is the fire. The fire burns and that's how you know you are alive. If you turn away from the fire, you never get burned, but that line is still there, the fire still burns. You can deny it, but it will never burn out, never go away. So, you dance in the flame. Your honor, your love and your self-sacrifice keeps the fire in control, you never need to cross that line, or you can run through the fire and hope it only burns you. The fire never dies, the line never goes away, yet, when and if you cross the line is only in your hands. For me, I am content to dance within the flame -- I live to burn.
Burn with me.
There is a dangerously fine line between want and have. The only thing that holds that line is the fire. The fire burns and that's how you know you are alive. If you turn away from the fire, you never get burned, but that line is still there, the fire still burns. You can deny it, but it will never burn out, never go away. So, you dance in the flame. Your honor, your love and your self-sacrifice keeps the fire in control, you never need to cross that line, or you can run through the fire and hope it only burns you. The fire never dies, the line never goes away, yet, when and if you cross the line is only in your hands. For me, I am content to dance within the flame -- I live to burn.
Burn with me.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Real World Etymology: Paladin
Etymology: Middle English ethimologie, from Anglo-French, from Latin etymologia, from Greek, from etymon + -logia -logy
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1: the history of a linguistic form (as a word) shown by tracing its development since its earliest recorded occurrence in the language where it is found, by tracing its transmission from one language to another, by analyzing it into its component parts, by identifying its cognates in other languages, or by tracing it and its cognates to a common ancestral form in an ancestral language
2: a branch of linguistics concerned with etymologies
Today's word is Paladin.
For today's word, we need some volunteers. In a small room you have: a stuffy European historian, a young gamer, a Marvel Comics fan, my dad (a 62 year old fan of Westerns) and me. The word Paladin is shown to each of these people and they are asked to write briefly, on a piece of paper, what the word means. Thank goodness I am there to connect all of the dots.
Stuffy European Historian : A Paladin (or more properly, Palatine) was a court official, during Merovingian and Carolingian times (5th through 10th century), that dealt with court proceedings. These proceedings included judicial (but were not limited to) sentences, oaths and recording these matters. They were, in essence, a judge.
Young Gamer: A Paladin is, like, a warrior with healing and they work for a church and stuff. They're, like, a holy warrior.
Marvel Comics Fan: Paladin? That guy in the purple body armor? He's in "Heroes for Hire" now. He's kind of an ass. Anyway, he's a mercenary created by Jim Shooter in 1978. He never really caught on, but, basically, he's a guy in body armor with high-tech guns that acts as a bounty hunter.
My Dad: Paladin was a gun-for-hire on the T.V. show "Have Gun – Will Travel." He was played by Richard Boone. His business card had a knight on it, like from a chess set. Paladin said: "It's a chess piece, the most versatile on the board. It can move in eight different directions, over obstacles, and it's always unexpected."
Tying it all together: All of those answers are valid. So, how did we get from 5th century judges to video game holy warriors? And what do the two gunfighters have to do with anything?
Well, to start, we have to go back to ancient Rome. There are different spellings of Paladin, because of the many languages that used the title throughout history. Paladin started with the Latin word palatinus, which meant "belonging to the Palatine Hill." Palatine hill was where the Emperor lived. The word palace comes from the word paladin, just like policeman comes from the word polis. Policemen were city (polis) officials, paladins were palace officials. As our stuffy European scholar points out, this continued to be the definition of the word after the fall of the Roman Empire. Latin was still the courtly language and the language of scholars, so the term hung on.
So, why do we associate this term with knighthood? For that answer, we need to look at the 9th century King of the Franks (French), Charles the Great (or Charlemagne, if you prefer). Charlemagne conquered a whole lot of people and became the Holy Roman Emperor -- and had a reputation for being a hell or a nice guy while doing it. All those stories you have heard about knights and quests and chivalry? Yeah, that was Charlemagne, he was the model knight. Now, as Holy Roman Emperor, he had a number of retainers, twelve, to be exact, that acted as his Paladins in court. They also happened to be ass-kickers and name-takers, and they were knights. The names of the twelve "peers" of Charlemagne vary from story to story, though Roland and Oliver are almost always mentioned. There was a round table, a magic sword -- what? Oh, yes, and Jesus had twelve apostles, when you get down to the fiction, all of this stuff lifts from somewhere else.
Now, we fast forward to the old west, the old west of 1957. In the fall of 1957, CBS premiered a Western series starring Richard Boone as the gentleman gunfighter, Paladin. The series was "Have Gun -- Will Travel" and it ran until 1963 and was written by such minor luminaries as Gene Roddenberry. So, why Paladin? The answer is two-fold. Firstly, the chess piece angle I mentioned above, made 'Knight' the likely name for the character and someone used a thesaurus to find a synonym. Secondly, Paladin (we never learn if this is a given name or a nickname) was the soul of chivalry and nobility, much like Charlemagne's crew. He would sometimes come upon a disturbing bit of news in his newspaper readings and send a letter offering his services. The letter contained only a business card with a Knight logo in the center and the words "Have Gun - Will Travel. Wire Paladin - San Francisco." Very noble, indeed, in a mercenary way.
So, what's up with the purple suited mercenary in Marvel Comics? Marvel's Paladin was, as I mentioned, created by Jim Shooter in 1978. Jim was born in 1951 and started writing comic books for DC comics in 1965 at the age of 14. Yep, 14. In 1978, the concept of a gentleman bounty-hunter character appealed to Shooter and he created Paladin. But why the name Paladin? The answer is a very simple one and has little to do with knighthood. Jim Shooter was about 6 years old when "Have Gun - Will Travel" came on the air and the image of the Television Paladin resonated with him. His (sometimes) noble mercenary was named for the aforementioned western gunfighter.
We, chronologically, arrive at the gaming reference to Paladin. As with all fantasy roleplaying games, we need look no further for the origins of the concepts than E. Gary Gygax, creator of the Dungeons and Dragons™ Roleplaying Game. The Paladin first appeared in the early editions of the Dungeons and Dragons game and could be of any race and was of Lawful Neutral alignment. If these terms are not familiar to you, you are not a gamer and should just trust me on this. In 1978, the 1st Edition of the "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Player's Handbook" was published. The handbook changed the Paladin a little, by making them lawful good in alignment and restricting their race to human only. While it was obvious that the inspiration for the Paladin was the tales of Knighthood (and of the peers of Charlemagne in particular), there was a secondary component that is seldom mentioned outside of gaming circles, and that is the question is that of the Paladin's holy abilities. Neither King Arthur and his knights, nor Charlemagne and his peers exhibit the healing magics (nor the other holy abilities) of the Paladin, so why the holy powers? It is well known that Gary Gygax was inspired by (or stole from, depending upon who you ask) several literary sources. The elf, dwarf and orc races are liberated from Tolkien, as is the ranger character class. The levels of magical spells and the daily memorization of spells are taken from Jack Vance's "World of Tiers" series. The concept of the paladin as a holy warrior comes directly from the character of Holger Carlson. Holger Carlson, was the protagonist of Poul Anderson's novel "Three Hearts and Three Lions," which was inspired by the "Song of Roland" and other tales of the peers of Charlemagne. In the story, Carlson is a Dane, fighting the Nazis during the Second World War. The hero is transported to a parallel world, by Morgan Le Fey, where he defends Carolingian France the encroaching forces of the Faery. Carlson exhibits a number of holy powers during the story and is the epitome of what gamers think of as a Paladin. From that point onward, Paladins in roleplaying games find their foundation in this distant descendant of the judges of medieval Europe.
The parallels and differences in these images are as telling as the personalities of our volunteers. Likely, our historian (being stuffy) would care not a wit for the more fanciful definitions and while my dad might find the whole thing interesting, it wouldn't influence his thinking in the least. This is merely an exercise in thought that can only bring together a small group of like minded observers, like us.
Or, you can scroll by, because it's too long to read in passing.
Peace.
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1: the history of a linguistic form (as a word) shown by tracing its development since its earliest recorded occurrence in the language where it is found, by tracing its transmission from one language to another, by analyzing it into its component parts, by identifying its cognates in other languages, or by tracing it and its cognates to a common ancestral form in an ancestral language
2: a branch of linguistics concerned with etymologies
Today's word is Paladin.
For today's word, we need some volunteers. In a small room you have: a stuffy European historian, a young gamer, a Marvel Comics fan, my dad (a 62 year old fan of Westerns) and me. The word Paladin is shown to each of these people and they are asked to write briefly, on a piece of paper, what the word means. Thank goodness I am there to connect all of the dots.
Stuffy European Historian : A Paladin (or more properly, Palatine) was a court official, during Merovingian and Carolingian times (5th through 10th century), that dealt with court proceedings. These proceedings included judicial (but were not limited to) sentences, oaths and recording these matters. They were, in essence, a judge.
Young Gamer: A Paladin is, like, a warrior with healing and they work for a church and stuff. They're, like, a holy warrior.
Marvel Comics Fan: Paladin? That guy in the purple body armor? He's in "Heroes for Hire" now. He's kind of an ass. Anyway, he's a mercenary created by Jim Shooter in 1978. He never really caught on, but, basically, he's a guy in body armor with high-tech guns that acts as a bounty hunter.
My Dad: Paladin was a gun-for-hire on the T.V. show "Have Gun – Will Travel." He was played by Richard Boone. His business card had a knight on it, like from a chess set. Paladin said: "It's a chess piece, the most versatile on the board. It can move in eight different directions, over obstacles, and it's always unexpected."
Tying it all together: All of those answers are valid. So, how did we get from 5th century judges to video game holy warriors? And what do the two gunfighters have to do with anything?
Well, to start, we have to go back to ancient Rome. There are different spellings of Paladin, because of the many languages that used the title throughout history. Paladin started with the Latin word palatinus, which meant "belonging to the Palatine Hill." Palatine hill was where the Emperor lived. The word palace comes from the word paladin, just like policeman comes from the word polis. Policemen were city (polis) officials, paladins were palace officials. As our stuffy European scholar points out, this continued to be the definition of the word after the fall of the Roman Empire. Latin was still the courtly language and the language of scholars, so the term hung on.
So, why do we associate this term with knighthood? For that answer, we need to look at the 9th century King of the Franks (French), Charles the Great (or Charlemagne, if you prefer). Charlemagne conquered a whole lot of people and became the Holy Roman Emperor -- and had a reputation for being a hell or a nice guy while doing it. All those stories you have heard about knights and quests and chivalry? Yeah, that was Charlemagne, he was the model knight. Now, as Holy Roman Emperor, he had a number of retainers, twelve, to be exact, that acted as his Paladins in court. They also happened to be ass-kickers and name-takers, and they were knights. The names of the twelve "peers" of Charlemagne vary from story to story, though Roland and Oliver are almost always mentioned. There was a round table, a magic sword -- what? Oh, yes, and Jesus had twelve apostles, when you get down to the fiction, all of this stuff lifts from somewhere else.
Now, we fast forward to the old west, the old west of 1957. In the fall of 1957, CBS premiered a Western series starring Richard Boone as the gentleman gunfighter, Paladin. The series was "Have Gun -- Will Travel" and it ran until 1963 and was written by such minor luminaries as Gene Roddenberry. So, why Paladin? The answer is two-fold. Firstly, the chess piece angle I mentioned above, made 'Knight' the likely name for the character and someone used a thesaurus to find a synonym. Secondly, Paladin (we never learn if this is a given name or a nickname) was the soul of chivalry and nobility, much like Charlemagne's crew. He would sometimes come upon a disturbing bit of news in his newspaper readings and send a letter offering his services. The letter contained only a business card with a Knight logo in the center and the words "Have Gun - Will Travel. Wire Paladin - San Francisco." Very noble, indeed, in a mercenary way.
So, what's up with the purple suited mercenary in Marvel Comics? Marvel's Paladin was, as I mentioned, created by Jim Shooter in 1978. Jim was born in 1951 and started writing comic books for DC comics in 1965 at the age of 14. Yep, 14. In 1978, the concept of a gentleman bounty-hunter character appealed to Shooter and he created Paladin. But why the name Paladin? The answer is a very simple one and has little to do with knighthood. Jim Shooter was about 6 years old when "Have Gun - Will Travel" came on the air and the image of the Television Paladin resonated with him. His (sometimes) noble mercenary was named for the aforementioned western gunfighter.
We, chronologically, arrive at the gaming reference to Paladin. As with all fantasy roleplaying games, we need look no further for the origins of the concepts than E. Gary Gygax, creator of the Dungeons and Dragons™ Roleplaying Game. The Paladin first appeared in the early editions of the Dungeons and Dragons game and could be of any race and was of Lawful Neutral alignment. If these terms are not familiar to you, you are not a gamer and should just trust me on this. In 1978, the 1st Edition of the "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Player's Handbook" was published. The handbook changed the Paladin a little, by making them lawful good in alignment and restricting their race to human only. While it was obvious that the inspiration for the Paladin was the tales of Knighthood (and of the peers of Charlemagne in particular), there was a secondary component that is seldom mentioned outside of gaming circles, and that is the question is that of the Paladin's holy abilities. Neither King Arthur and his knights, nor Charlemagne and his peers exhibit the healing magics (nor the other holy abilities) of the Paladin, so why the holy powers? It is well known that Gary Gygax was inspired by (or stole from, depending upon who you ask) several literary sources. The elf, dwarf and orc races are liberated from Tolkien, as is the ranger character class. The levels of magical spells and the daily memorization of spells are taken from Jack Vance's "World of Tiers" series. The concept of the paladin as a holy warrior comes directly from the character of Holger Carlson. Holger Carlson, was the protagonist of Poul Anderson's novel "Three Hearts and Three Lions," which was inspired by the "Song of Roland" and other tales of the peers of Charlemagne. In the story, Carlson is a Dane, fighting the Nazis during the Second World War. The hero is transported to a parallel world, by Morgan Le Fey, where he defends Carolingian France the encroaching forces of the Faery. Carlson exhibits a number of holy powers during the story and is the epitome of what gamers think of as a Paladin. From that point onward, Paladins in roleplaying games find their foundation in this distant descendant of the judges of medieval Europe.
The parallels and differences in these images are as telling as the personalities of our volunteers. Likely, our historian (being stuffy) would care not a wit for the more fanciful definitions and while my dad might find the whole thing interesting, it wouldn't influence his thinking in the least. This is merely an exercise in thought that can only bring together a small group of like minded observers, like us.
Or, you can scroll by, because it's too long to read in passing.
Peace.
Monday, February 25, 2008
“Nothing is, everything is becoming.” - Heraclitus of Ephesus
There is an ineffable quality in the nature of becoming. Like the Skin Horse, from the "Velveteen Rabbit," we realize that it doesn’t happen all at once. It is easier to see the nature of becoming when we are at peace with the world around us. Call it the Tao or Zen or Joss or whatever you like. It is a smile that hurts your face. It is a laugh that hurts your sides. It is a sigh that signals happiness. It is stillness. It is a fire in the breast that never dies. It is the realization that you can want and not need. It is the profound understanding that, in and of yourself, you are becoming complete. Call it awakening.
On the way to the train today, I strode past a girl with a lavender carry-on bag and a hard hat. It was an incongruous sight and I slowed my pace and turned to her. I noted the strange juxtaposition of the, frankly, girly bag and the hard hat. She was a mechanical engineer working at the airport. Her team was replacing chillers (used in the cooling of industrial buildings). The old chillers and cooling towers were made of wood and had long outlived their usefulness. We shared some words, some ideas, and a smile, just two people on the way to the train. I wished her a good day and we headed off to our respective destinations. There was a moment where in the midst of all our hurry that we shared that moment of peace that comes with becoming. She was young and I'm, well, I'm not young, but I will settle for immortality. But we were both in the process of becoming, even if it was just for that moment.
I recently spoke to someone who is dear to me about the nature of steel. When steel is made, iron is forged and infused with carbon. The carbon hardens the iron and it becomes steel. The fire is what heats the metal, but what infuses it causes it to change. When you are in the fire, when you are becoming, what infuses you? Is it what you want to be made of?
The fire tempers us and we burn.
Burn with me.
On the way to the train today, I strode past a girl with a lavender carry-on bag and a hard hat. It was an incongruous sight and I slowed my pace and turned to her. I noted the strange juxtaposition of the, frankly, girly bag and the hard hat. She was a mechanical engineer working at the airport. Her team was replacing chillers (used in the cooling of industrial buildings). The old chillers and cooling towers were made of wood and had long outlived their usefulness. We shared some words, some ideas, and a smile, just two people on the way to the train. I wished her a good day and we headed off to our respective destinations. There was a moment where in the midst of all our hurry that we shared that moment of peace that comes with becoming. She was young and I'm, well, I'm not young, but I will settle for immortality. But we were both in the process of becoming, even if it was just for that moment.
I recently spoke to someone who is dear to me about the nature of steel. When steel is made, iron is forged and infused with carbon. The carbon hardens the iron and it becomes steel. The fire is what heats the metal, but what infuses it causes it to change. When you are in the fire, when you are becoming, what infuses you? Is it what you want to be made of?
The fire tempers us and we burn.
Burn with me.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Be Excellent to each other - William S. Preston, Esq. (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)
A little Public Service Announcement.
This is all common sense. We all know this. But it bears saying.
Just as I was finishing my last post, my boss came over to me and my co-worker and we were discussing an error message in the software I was working with. At the end of the discussion, my boss said that her husband of many years was going in for open heart surgery. My co-worker and I heard what she said peripherally, but continued working and my boss walked off.
What do you do?
When it occurred to me what was said, we went and found my boss and sat her down and talked about the surgery and her fears and we hugged her and said we'd be there for her. It helped her. It helped us.
I am not a man publicly known for kindness, but I try to be a good citizen. Yet, I know that I while I am hearing, I am not always listening.
Do yourself a favor. Today, stop and listen and realize that this work we do is suppose to support our lives away from work, not the other way around. Listen to those around you and be kind. Be excellent to each other. When you go to the store today, smile and say 'thank you.' Today, for me, try and be the people we always wished we would be.
Who knows, it might help someone, it might help you.
Peace.
This is all common sense. We all know this. But it bears saying.
Just as I was finishing my last post, my boss came over to me and my co-worker and we were discussing an error message in the software I was working with. At the end of the discussion, my boss said that her husband of many years was going in for open heart surgery. My co-worker and I heard what she said peripherally, but continued working and my boss walked off.
What do you do?
When it occurred to me what was said, we went and found my boss and sat her down and talked about the surgery and her fears and we hugged her and said we'd be there for her. It helped her. It helped us.
I am not a man publicly known for kindness, but I try to be a good citizen. Yet, I know that I while I am hearing, I am not always listening.
Do yourself a favor. Today, stop and listen and realize that this work we do is suppose to support our lives away from work, not the other way around. Listen to those around you and be kind. Be excellent to each other. When you go to the store today, smile and say 'thank you.' Today, for me, try and be the people we always wished we would be.
Who knows, it might help someone, it might help you.
Peace.
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