Visitations

In the early morning, I had two visitors in my dreams.

The first was my second wife. We were in a house that I didn't recognize. We were sitting on the couch talking. It was a strangely familiar feeling. We sat very close to one another, we talked and I remember a lot of the conversation in detail. How, Shane (my former friend who she cheated with) had become her husband in her mind and her heart. I asked a lot of questions, but none of them were answered directly. I would wake up periodically, only to drive myself to plunge directly back into that dream.

The colors were vivid, there were a lot of cool blues and whites, emotionless colors, cold, like she was. It was all very painful to hear, but it was like someone closed a door. I wasn't as angry anymore. I always wanted some sort of answer, maybe this will be the closest to the truth I will ever get.

The second visitor was the Lady by the River. She was sad. She wanted to say something to me, it felt like she had done something that she was upset about, like she had done something to hurt me and didn't know what to say. I tried to talk to her about it, but she would laugh and smile and then begin to cry. It was frustrating and very sad. I tried to make myself wake up a couple of times (in direct opposition to the first visit), but I couldn't. So, I held her as long as she would let me.

I woke up wounded, feeling a bit like I had been betrayed, like a sacrifice, a Judas goat. All the sins were heaped on me -- I have shoulders broad enough, but I have enough sins of my own. I'm not carrying them for anyone else anymore.

Burn with me