Finding Roy

Thirty-five years ago, I started Chasing Roy. I found him.

My grandfather was everything to me. He taught me right from wrong, truth from lie and what it was to be honorable. Of all the people I have met in my life, my grandfather surfed the Tao better than anyone I had ever met, even though he had no words for it.

Six months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. I did so because the relationship was not healthy for either of us. I had delayed the growth after my divorce and she lost all the independence that attracted me to her in the first place. I set out with a single thought: That I would spend six months seeing if I could live without needing someone in my life. What I discovered was me.

Years ago, my ex-wife, the wife of the guy my ex-wife cheated with, and I went to a mystic bookstore so they could have their fortune told. I am, very often, about as spiritual as a toaster. My ex-wife and the woman came out and neither looked happy and I was about to leave when they told me to go ahead and go in. The woman told me that things were going to get rough and that they were then going to get better and I needed to be ready for that. Standard stuff for fortune tellers. Then she went off script and said something I will never forget. She said: "You are chasing something and to finally catch it you need to understand that you are an agent of change. You stand in the road and people meet you and you help them get where they are going. This is what you are supposed to be doing. You will get everything you've ever wanted, but, most of the time, you won't get to keep it. But sometimes, they stay."

The next year was hell on Earth and I delayed that by finding a woman to bury myself in.

For the last six months I have focused on one thing, trying to help people get where they are going. I made some false starts, I even was unintentionally hurtful to some people, but I'm learning.

Today I dropped someone off at the airport, a person that means a lot to me. They were lost. They were running and afraid and I got them where they were going. This is it. Getting up every day and doing the right thing. Being honorable in your dealings. Being as honest as you can be. Trying to do no harm. This is what my grandfather did every day of his life. I am not perfect, I never will be, and I will stumble. But, this is it. This is why I am here.

Afterwards, I talked to another friend, one who knows me very well and she said something that made me smile and cry just a little. Then it was a cascade, one person after another, not knowing the story, just sensed something today, ripples in a pool.

I walked eight blocks to lunch. I ate at a small deli I hadn't been in for 10 years. I sat outside in the almost warm weather and listened to a street musician play "Killing me softly" on his horn and I smiled. Life will never be perfect, but it can be glorious and beautiful just like the people in it. It isn't money. It isn't possessions. It is life; it gets under your skin. You take one breath and you want another one. We live today. We get today. And, there is, as someone who is very, very precious to me said, plenty of time in the future...

What a beautiful thought.

Burn with me.