Homecoming

Where was Tao while I was gone?
Wasn't I following it where I went?
Do you think that there are two?

After traveling awhile, we come home to a familiar place, only we often look at it in a new light. Were things different while we weren't here? We experienced so many new and different things while we were gone -- wasn't that Tao too? How can there be so many differences?

You might argue that a mountain is a mountain, but our attitudes toward it are changeable. If we mistake our subjective viewpoints as something that is solid, permanent, and never relative to circumstances, then we will have no end to our problems. However, if we always remember that everything is comparative, then we can move through life in a much more dynamic way.

There are not two ways. There is only one. It is so vast that we can experience widely diverging aspects of it and imagine that we are in different realities. This is a misconception. We cannot outrun Tao, cannot be outside of it. It is only our viewpoints that change to the degree that we think we are in differing dimensions. In the river of Tao, we are like minnows that can never plumb the length and breadth of the water.

I talked to two people today. Both brought clarity in the moment I am in. One of them said (correctly) that the universe is always in balance. If it feels off-balance it must be you. She's right, she usually is. I'm consumed with fire at the moment and for the past three days I have directed that fire at loss, anger, and if I do that, then the fire is destructive.

See, here's the wisdom that this person gives me: Emotions are my healing. I'm a thinker. I think shit to death. But the trap and the thing that grows my spirit and heals me, is my emotions. I feel things very deeply. I become deeply involved with people. I become invested. That's my strength. When I withdraw from people it's because I can't take it and need a breather. But that doesn't mean I don't miss them or they mean any less to me. I still have a lot of work to do on me. I guess we all do. We are, none of us, ever finished.

Sadly, it's also the trap. I become invested in people and I forget sometimes that these words that I live by carry power and that I can start a war, break a heart, induce fear, destroy a life all with a word. Because when i say something, people know it's never just talking. It means something.

The waves that crash on the shore now are only getting stronger, there is no ebb tide. If we dwell in darkness it will be the darkest we have ever known. If we dwell in the light, we burn brighter than we have ever known.

The other person reminded me of a simple lesson. You can guide a traveler to their destination, but they have to walk it alone, no matter how much you want to help them. They have to figure it out. That is a lesson I know well. For you to get people where they are going you have to watch them walk away. Maybe they come back, maybe they don't. That was never the goal anyway. The goal of the signpost is to direct the way, not to carry the load.

Ignorance of these things throws life out of balance. There is always another traveler on the road, there is always another lost soul, there is always another person to become invested in. But that doesn't mean we should ever lose sight of those we care for, even when they turn the bend in the road and pass out of view. Because we care, because there is always a tomorrow, and because they may be waiting to help you find your way next time.

Burn with me.